Ninjapornian Religion

The state religion in Ninjapornia is Pastafarianism. We believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster in all His noodly glory as described by the prophet Bobby Henderson in his letter to the Kansas School Board.

We believe that the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe after a night of heavy drinking. We believe that he placed evidence for evolution around the world as a test of our faith and that the world is really only about 3000 years old.  We believe that we, as pirates, are his chosen people. We believe that in heaven there are beer volcanoes and stripper factories. Hell is much the same, but the beer is stale and the strippers have VD.

We also follow The Eight I Really Rather You Didn’ts.

1. I'd really rather you didn't act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don't believe in me, that's okay. Really, I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so don't change the subject.
   
   

    

2. I'd really rather you didn't use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don't require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.
   
   

    

3. I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, Okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we're talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
   
   

    

4. I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is go fuck yourself, unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.
   
   

    

5. I'd really rather you didn't challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bastards.
   
   

    

6. I'd really rather you didn't build multi million-dollar churches/temples/mosques/shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):

    

   1. Ending poverty

       

   2. Curing diseases

       

   3. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable

      I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.
      
      

       

7. I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people I talk to you. You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can't you take a hint?
   
   

    

8. I'd really rather you didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/Las Vegas. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! honestly, it's a piece of rubber. If I didn't want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.

RAmen

Ninjapornian Pantheon of Lesser Gods

We Ninjapornians have a pantheon of lesser gods to take care of the small things. As Pastafarians we naturally have flimsy moral standards, so believing in gods other than the FSM is only natural. Also due to flimsy moral standards, our pantheon tends to be stolen from geek culture.

Izzardian Gods

Jeff the god of biscuits

Simon the god of hairdos

Discworld Gods

Anoia the minor goddess of Things That Stick in Drawers. Anoia is praised by rattling a drawer and crying "How can it close on the damned thing but not open with it? Who bought this? Do we ever use it?" She also eats corkscrews and is responsible for Things Down The Backs of Sofas.

Bilious the Oh God of Hangovers. He is constantly affected by the after effects of drinking despite never having a drink. 

Petulia the Ephebian Goddess of negotiable affection.

Vometia the ancient Ankh-Morporkian goddess of being sick.